i'm back again. LONG LONG TIME since i last blogged. ard 2 mths already.. so many many things happened.. but i cant really rmb all... juz rmbed getting more n more disappointments day by day.. disappointed by life, by so-called friends. i bet no one noes wat i m toking bout except simar.(there! i mentioned u! dun say i din mention u in my blog okay. lolx.) haix. i bet everyone tinks i'm a happy girl with no worries no temper nothing.. but i'm juz putting up a brave front. it's okay if u ignore me it's okay if u hate me it's okay if u dun wan to tok to me it's okay if u bully me. it's really okay. i'm really fine with it. ya rite at least tt's wat i TINK i could do. is it not normal to put up a brave front n crying when no one looking? coz i tink i'm not normal. i'm doing more of tt every single day. i tink i m so the hypocritical? is it wat u call tt? aka xu wei in chinese. haix. i'm juz keeping everything to myself. no one in this world n i really mean NO ONE knows wat i feel deep inside my heart. NO ONE. not even my parents nor siblings. sad rite? watever. maybe i havent found someone whom i really trust whom i really believe in to pour my feeling on... to share my secrets with. (oh pls NV ask me to tell u my secrets coz i will only say i have none.)

cried in cls during GP lesson one day. dun really noe the reason y i cried. did i really cry coz i felt bullied? coz i hate presenting? or coz i felt unjustified? sry to those whom i shocked with my tears n thanks for ur concern. not sry to those hu took it as a joke. haix. feeling more n more vulnerable day after day. more tears shed. wat the hell is wrong with me??!! i nv, NV! cry in sch when i was in dhs. perhaps during tt time life was full of happiness n joy. but normally even if i felt like crying in sch.. i would have controlled it. juz wat the hell is wrong with me? perhaps there's nothing wrong with me.. perhaps it's the ppl ard me tt are changing.

the feelings for soccer i once had seems to be slipping away.. maybe not slipping away.. juz covered up by some other feelings.. it's not the game. i still LOVED the game alot. it's juz the... ....the... ... .. haix. nothing's the same anymore. dhs intercls soccer training is juz so diff from tj soccer training. in dhs we bond bcoz of soccer but here in tj.. it's juz diff. i cant explain it. but nevertheless i still LOVED every single game i played every single game i watched every single training i had. soccer still rocks my socks. n it forever will be.

it feels like my fault everytime it's slipping past me. i bet everyone thinks so too. sometimes it seems to be true. but not EVERYTIME. it's really not my fault. but why then.. why then.. is everyone blaming me? maybe it's really my fault then. i'm a bloody retarded stupid idiot.

ENOUGH OF SAD STUFF.

oh yea.. holidays. been slacking ALOT. have not touched a single notes yet!! finished watching 'save a last dance' n 'my name is samsoon'. nicenice. wanted to continue to start watch 'a sad love story' but then again i felt it's about time i start studying n not be addicted to the dunno-how-many-episodes drama series. but yet here i m on the net playing comp. juz too lazy to do any studying. DIE LIAO LA.

haha went to catch a glimpse of kwon sang woo when he was here in SG. my sis proposed it.. so since i'm free why not. GOOD CHOICE made!! haha. he is so the shuai can!! omgomgomg!! damn damn damn shuai!! he looks shuai-er in real life than in tv. totally mesmorized by his smile sia.

on sunday, went imm with sis but din get to see him coz we were late. sian diao. waste my time go all the way there. all whose fault? my sis coz she was home late. BISH. so the next day went botanic garden to see him.. he was there to name the orchid after him.. was late again HAHAHA!! but then luckily when we reach there juz nice he leaving the place so still got to catch a glimpse of him. tt was the time i was totally mesmorized by him sia.. when he was leaving he looked at my direction n smiled. WOW!! so the shuai!! ahhhhhHHHH.. haha. ok i bet u tink i'm crazy but if u were at the scene u would have felt the same too. i tot my sis was crazy too at first when she started running to the place coz we were late. HAHAHA. sadly din take any photos of him.. he came n went too fast. haha. the crowd there was also incredible. first time see so many women at the same place. but i tink the bodyguards damn smart.. they brought sangwoo walk one big round to lure away the fans so tt he could board the car n leave safely. quite smart of them eh. diao hu li san zi ji!! SMART!! (oops sry simar if u dun understand this.. haha. it means lure the tiger away from the mountain or smth like tt.. haha!) then after tt went marina sq to wait for him again. damn a lot of ppl n wait damn long. he was like so late can! but was quite entertained by the aunties there bitching bout how ppl cut their queue n occupied their space n complaining at how everyone's pushing here n there n so on.. yea she was bitching bout me too n i bet she was hoping i heard her which i did but i chose to turn a deaf ear on her. like my fault like tt.. kaox. everyone's pushing la. u tink ur place is like the best spot or wat? everyone wan to snatch. siao cha bor. i shld have said this to her sia but i swallowed these words down to prevent a terrible argument. see wat a nice girl i m. hahaha. oh well saw sangwoo again!! damn shuai in his white suit!! haha. argh stupid sis ask me to take video of him for her coz i m taller got better view.. argh. missed seeing him in real life coz i was staring at the one in the cam screen. damn! but when i looked up.. WOW. haha. oh well took photos with the posters n stuff after tt instead. damn dumb can but still he looks damn shuai in the posters. photos would be put up at the end of this post. yah.

hmm yea so sangwoo-chasing took up 2days of the pathetic 9-day holiday i had. tues went zihe's hse to supposedly discuss PW op. haha. ended up we go there do grp bonding. was toking bout a lot of stuff bout each other.. blahblah. it's gd to noe more abt ur grp members. haha. tt way we can work better tgt. we shld do tt for soccer too. but it's juz tt soccer the clique too BIG too obvious liao. cannot dissolve. at least my grp did better by trying make everyone tok bout each other. =) oh n zihe's collection of comics is WOW!! i wan his whole comic cabinet sia!! argh. it's like 1 small comic library can. so jealous.

wed evening went to meet soccer gals to watch match between china n SG. oh yea thanks for making me wait at the mrt station stupidly only to tell me when i meet u all tt u all meeting at kallang macs. thanks so much. .... oh yea. disappointments sinks in once again by those actions. yea. shall not disclose here. hmm the stadium outside was like so the crowded!! we got cheated of our feelings for like queuing so long only to tell us they dun sell students tix at tt booth when we reach the booth. ended up have to re-queue at another booth. wat crap. yea then after it was chaotic. everyone was like squeezing like hell to buy tix to get into the stadium coz the match is like starting anytime soon. un-gentlemanliness of sg guys seen here. guys pushing girls n cutting our queues like nothing. of course we did fight back by pushing back. haha. yay so finally managed to get in!! YAY. match was great. the atmosphere there was WOW. nv m i ever bringing my kids to these kind of place in future. the lang of the ppl there.. AIYOH.. it was quite heart-warming to see sg ppl so supporting sg there though. these kind of spirit u cant find anywhere. first time i see singaporeans loving their cty so much. waving the sg flags.. boo-ing at those china ppl hu brough their china flags across our area. it was hilarous. haha. i hope i get to go again a second time like this!! haha. even though i dun recommend bringing kids there but the atmosphere there is really nice. sg ppl supporting sg soccer team! wheeeeeEEEEE~

today. slacked my life away. as usual. haha. too lazy to start anytime. DIE.

oh n magic is getting more n more interesting. haha. cosplaying. cool. at first i tot i dun nid to cosplay. was still quite qing xing. but then.. damn big mistake to go the fri's meeting when i was notified i had to cosplay too. crap. BIG MISTAKE!! if i din go the meeting then maybe they wun have this ling shi decision to make me cosplay. argh. this means more money spending less money in bank. n more embarrassing of myself on tt day. DAMN!!! hmm yea i cosplaying shino from .hack// series. dunno which series actually. haha. i dun even watch the anime can. dun even noe wat the char is like wat it does blah blah n now i m supposed to cosplay her. wth. guess researching have to be done liao. haix. pic below is how the char looks like.. god.. looks damn exposed.

hahaha. gross rite? imagine me wearing tt. GOD save me.

ok photos below. enjoy~ pretty huixian. handsome sangwoo! haha!

at IMM..

at botanic garden..

at marina sq..

[edit][added on 08/09/06 at 4.46pm]

WOW look at the crowd sia!! haha. photos beautifully taken by me! so proud eh! haha.

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ok.. tt's all for today.. WOW wat a long entry.. haha.. so tt's wat u get when u post once every 2mths? hahaha.. congrats to those hu have read every word in this entry. u have finally reached the end. n u have got to noe more about me. =) will there be someone hu read this looooong entry word for word? haha. i wonder.